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Shock & Awe – Memoirs of Reluctant Earthling

It was the Best of Times. It was the Worst of Times.

My Exile / Assignment here to this rather bland, unremarkable and dare I say, boring sector of backwater Galactic Space by the Quasar Council, has actually become quite a Blessing instead of the Punishment it was intended to be.

Shock & Awe – Memoirs of Reluctant Earthling

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There was good reason I’d never heard of it. Galactic Space Sector LHD-5 is way off the beaten path.

LHD-5 has no decent-sized Black Holes stable enough for commercial Dark Energy harvesting and does not even contain one of the 2.7^4059194 Wonders of the South-Western Constellation of Universes.

LHD-5 has no functional Fourth, Fifth or Sixth Dimensions, no Wormhole Assisted Transportation System and worst of all, Galactic Space Sector LHD-5 is totally absent any of registered and duly recorded Ascendant Level, Intelligently Evolved, Noblic Species (A.L.I.E.N.S.).

Other than myself, of course.

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While this galactic sector may lack industrial potential or even a basic pre-ascendant, CAT-3 rated civilization to monitor and advise, Galactic Space Sector LHD-5 is still the unexpected location of my latest discovery.

Planet Earth“, (patent pending, all rights reserved), my humble discovery of great cosmo-anthropological significance, is hidden amongst a cluster of minor solar systems within a mid-powered galaxy orbiting on the left side of the sector quadrant (while facing Stellar North).

Even I, Earth’s single-handed humble discoverer almost overlooked it.

The natives, “Humans” as they call themselves, are of a domination mindset and over Earth’s relatively short existence, the Humans have become the planet’s dominant species.

Of course, the non-nobilic, shape shifting Reptilians are here too.

Covertly, Reptilians appear Human on the outside and mix freely with the planet natives. For the most part they just either own banks, rule countries or read News on TV, but more on them later.

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The Humans themselves are pre-lightspeed, pre-space/time travel and, more significantly, Humans are pre-cognitive, even in their own sense of the word.

They live on the planet’s surface, slashing and burning along their merry little ways, managing to both drain and deplete several of Earth’s naturally renewable resources – if you can even imagine such ironic gluttony.

In their defense however, had it not been for almost 500 years of negligible advancement during a period even they call the Dark Ages, Humans could possibly have already outgrown the pesky Mutually Assured Destruction (MAD) Nuclear Weapons phase they now experience, a phase which has instantly, as all Ascendant Beings already know, pushed countless of promising, pre-nobilic civilizations all the way back into the Ages of Sand, Stone and Rock.

And so, unassisted, and at significant risk of violence, death and disease, my time in this otherwise-unremarkable sector has been spent almost exclusively on Planet Earth.

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For approximately four stellar wind-cycle weeks, or 38 earth-years to be exact, I have successfully interfaced with the experiences of Humanity and had unique opportunities to research and analyze their rudimentary lifestyle, illogical thought patterns and aberrant primitive behavior.

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In my selfless and practically self-demeaning attempt to “experience their experiences“, to feel, act and even think like a Human, I assimilated my consciousness into the body of a random newborn human and engaged my symbiotic creation into the process called Life on Planet Earth.

Unfortunately I had to grow up and go through puberty all over again.

I even had to wait three full earth-years for my host Human to learn how to read Earthling scribble.

During what became 38 years of undercover, assimilation-based, anthropological research on Planet Earth, my host body and I have done much, seen much and been labeled accordingly by other terrestrials.

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

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My Human experiences have included playing soccer on a field built inside the cone of a dormant Italian volcano (scoring a goal against the home team – of course), sailing through the Suez Canal, gazing at the Rock of Gibraltar and being spat directly in the face by a Greek zooming by on a motor scooter.

I’ve starved during Noon Siestas in Barcelona (everything closes for nap time), haggled with Turks in the Izmir Bazaar and dined on rabbit stew on the Island Fortress of Malta.

I’ve traded trinkets with Egyptians, had Iraqi money with Saddam Hussein’s face folded in my pocket and driven what Humans claim to be vehicles on Italian roads.

Driving with Italians is much, much more dangerous than it sounds. The trick however, is not to make eye contact with them.

In 38 years I’ve have been called both Immigrant and Native, Citizen and Sailor. I’ve been called Capitalist and Communist, Groom and Respondent and I’ve also been called both Son and Father.

I’ve been bitten by dogs, attacked by a badger and been head-butted by a ram.

I’ve been to Bethlehem, Mt. Carmel and Calvary. I’ve had Falafel for breakfast, seen the nuclear reactors in Haifa, as well as seen buildings previously struck by SCUD missiles.

I have been recognized for business achievements and once sat on a Board of Directors.

I’ve had a global staff of a dozen telecommuting together from 4 different nations and separately, I have sold everything from non-toxic household cleaners to night-vision goggles on the painfully slow, low-speed information network one of their leaders calls the Google.

King George the Lesser – Bush Jr. I’m pretty sure he was Reptilian.

I’ve survived getting 2 flat tires at the same time in the middle of nowhere – in the middle of the night and I’ve also sold dozens of high-end vacuum cleaners by going knocking from door to door.

I’ve experienced life as a member of the privileged 1% in more than one country and I’ve also experienced life without electricity or running water in others.

I’ve had Maids, Nanny’s and Live-in Gardeners, often all three at the same time and I’ve also had Wives, Girlfriends and Mistresses, sometimes all three at the same time too…

I’ve cleaned dog kennels and pigpens, plucked and gutted thousands of chickens and I have even had regular goat herding duties as well.

I’ve officially given budget counseling to a few, helped even more with their tax returns and I’ve been tasked several times with explaining to angry people why their government paychecks were for negative amounts.

I’ve had mornings dominated by instructions “to clean the Head (Bathroom)“, perform “Sweepers“, check for “High Dust” and to make certain that there aren’t any “Dust Bunnies” lurking around.

I have gone to college many mornings only to collect flyers with directions to the parties that night and I’ve also been on the Deans List, President’s List and Honor Roll for multiple, consecutive semesters as well.

Unfortunately not at the same time…

I’ve run thousands of feet of shielded cable through ceilings, demagnetized a ship, refilled ATM machines with cash and once had a job driving mail to the post office for people too busy or too lazy to take it there themselves.

I’ve been titled as Business Owner and Consultant, Entrepreneur and Contractor and sometimes I’ve been known to answer to Boss.

I’ve walked home at 12 years old through roadblocks set by tire-burning mobs and been kept awake by sounds of automatic gunfire at night, but the only time I saw my Human parents come to blows was the time they fought each other over who would beat my ass first for busting my brother’s lip.

I’ve been called Recruit and Petty Officer, Civilian and Veteran, Gringo and Negra, Uptowner and Country Boy.

I’ve drank shots of Cuban coffee in Little Havana, sipped tea in Jordan and been “egged” in Spain.

I’ve prayed at a Wailing Wall, smoked a substance called “Reed???” in front of some President’s White House and I’ve taken a Selfie with a Monk on the banks of the river where a Jesus was baptized.

I’ve had fist-fights with drunken sailors and been “chewed out” by Navy Chiefs.

I’ve caused major disturbances in the Chow Line, caused major disturbances in Crew Berthing and once I “wrote-up” a Commander before he had the chance to write me up first.

I’ve also been commended by a two-star Admiral as being a “credit to the Navy“.

I have been voted Class President and was a Section Leader in Boot Camp. I’ve been Altar Boy and Teacher’s Pet, and at one point played both the violin and piano.

I’ve intentionally driven cars sideways, raced around corners on three wheels and have personally condemned more than my share of vehicles to the scrap heap.

I’ve hiked among the three-toed sloths and wild monkeys of Costa Rica and I’ve looked across at Cuba from the highest mountain in Jamaica.

I’ve crossed the Mighty Mississippi, partied in Miami Beach, tossed beads at Mardi Gras and in Alabama late one Amateur Night, I was invited home by a stripper and her Mom.

The Mother was the amateur.

I’ve snuck off and back onto a military base in Puerto Rico, disappeared from countless “All-Hands Working Parties” and I’ve also been the reigning Junior Sailor of the Month.

I’ve shared breakfast with a Wiccan Witch, lunches with Atheists and several dinners with a Bishop.

I’ve overtaken a driver already overtaking someone else on Key West’s two-laned, Seven-Mile Bridge and I’ve held a purple-colored newborn Human in my arms.

I have been chauffeured to state functions by helicopter in one country, been deployed to the “tip of the spear” by helicopter in another. I’ve also been medivac’ed unconscious to the nearest hospital by helicopter in a third country too…

I’ve acted as a Wise Man in school pageants, been on Landing Party’s and Shore Patrol and have brandished a shotgun into many a face during shipboard security alerts.

I have written a B+ college term paper on the Art of Bad Driving and I’ve been run over and left for dead by a drunken prostitute.

I’ve had a Human female look me dead in the eyes and say I was everything she did NOT want in a man but that was the main reason she loved me.

I’ve had my watch relieved by a group of knife-wielding schoolchildren and I’ve taken out a few off-duty cops with rubber practice knives while sparring in Krav Maga classes.

I’ve climbed down the side of a warship, been confronted with the wrong end of a handgun a few times and I’ve eaten fried fish in Port Royal with the descendants of Buccaneers and Pirates.

I’ve been called Rasta, I’ve been called Rahuda, I’ve been called Mulatto and I’ve been called a Pachuco.

I’ve been called Plaintiff, Victim, Mortgagee and Patient.

I’ve been called Seaman, Squid, Swabbie and Shitbag, plus I’ve been called lots of other names less fit for this scientific discussion.

Of all these varied and often contrasting human experiences, one of the strangest was the particularly blank feeling of getting into my car after a full day’s work but having nowhere specific to go because I was temporarily homeless and sleeping on the back seat.

Is this what it means to be Human? Do they all go through Life only appreciating that which impacts them directly?

Humans have a hard time putting themselves in the shoes of others. They only know pain when they feel it for themselves.

The Human part of my Earthly consciousness never once thought being homeless would be fun, but it was not until I was in the situation for myself could I comprehend it’s full magnitude and gravity.

Humans see compassion and empathy as positive virtues when they should really be seeing them as the norm.

Whilst still quite primitive in their thoughts and technologies, Humans actually have access to many components of higher wisdom and understand more basics of complex knowledge than their shallow civilizations and wanton actions would indicate.

For 38 earth-years I’ve tried to pinpoint the exact moment in history where their development went haywire.

Behind the obvious greed, chronic competiveness and merciless cruelty, a larger issue seems to be at work.

At some point ancient humans looked out into their Universe (they only know about this one), and what they saw outside their cave was an environment of scarcity.

Somehow that idea stuck with their descendants. Enough is never enough.

They know matter can neither be created or destroyed. In fact, they are even starting to figure out that all matter is made up of Light.

Yet all Humans can see is chaos.

They have long had the technology to abundantly feed and comfortably house their planet’s entire population on any one of their five continents.

Yet Humans look outside and see overpopulation.

They are vaguely aware of the comparative immensity of just their own Galaxy and the infinitesimal power generated solely by it’s orbit and existence.

Yet Humans fight wars regularly over “dwindling energy resources“.

They know that everything is connected. They know that at least one molecule in their next bottle of Spring Water was once in a teardrop from the eyes of an orphan.

Yet basic Human programming tells them that “someone has to suffer“.

Every atom in any of the countless numbers of Known Universes is connected. The pain or progress of one is the pain or progress of all.

When will their tiny minds acknowledge the truth that their eyes can already see?

In the abundance of water the fool is thirsty.

Everything you need has already been provided. The Universes overflow with resources of infinite unmeasurable abundance.

At least from the perspective of Humans.

Now back to those blue-blooded Reptilians and the cohort of Humans that do their bidding.

As if the Humans weren’t selfish, greedy and misguided enough, the Reptilian parasitic presence on Earth only makes a bad situation worse.

In total, over 140 wars have been fought on the planet since the end of World War Two – the war to end all wars, and the formation of Earth’s United Nations.

750,000 unhappy new Iraqi widows were produced just from the ten years of Gulf War Two alone.

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